This is part of a series on Money Traps during major life transitions. My last blog explored the ‘both-and approach’ and why working your old job part-time while exploring a new career may not work.
This month I’m addressing a second and equally potent Money Trap: the conflation of income and self-worth.
In our capitalist society, those who are wealthier are often perceived as more ‘successful’, and treated as though their time is of more value simply due to their money.
Perceptions of income (and therefore self-worth) can become a lens through which others perceive and treat us, especially in major commerce hubs.
While living in London, people I met for the first time would often ask for my post code so that they could determine, by virtue of the neighbourhood in which I lived, my socioeconomic status and therefore how they wanted to interact with me. Sometimes, this was the first question I was asked after my name.
As a social experiment, I used to modify the way I introduced myself to new people at networking events: sometimes I would say I was a charity employee, and other times I would say I was a Chief Executive. The way in which people engaged with me tended to vary drastically. As a ‘charity employee’, I was often asked no follow-up questions and the topic of the conversation was changed; meanwhile, as ‘Chief Executive’, people were often attentive, inquisitive and eager to connect afterwards. Similarly, a friend who left an executive marketing role to spend a year as a waiter talked about how differently he was treated by others after his career change.
It could be a fun exercise to try a version of this yourself and see whether people alter the way in which they interact with you based on how you introduce yourself; or whether how you introduce your role affects how you feel in a conversation with a stranger. If you do this – please send me a message with your reflections on the experience!
Check-in: Do you equate worthiness with income? If any of these statements resonate, it might be a 'yes':
People who earn more money are more successful.
People who earn more money are more likely to be admired, loved, or respected by others.
People who earn more money are more valuable to society.
Avoiding the Worthiness Money Trap
It’s imperative during times of transition not to fall into this Money Trap of equating our income with self-worth. If we internalise such a judgment, then not only is it harder to leave a (semi-) lucrative career for an uncertain future, but we might also feel depressed, ashamed and insecure as a result. It is important to recognise that whether we earn a substantial income or no salary at all, our intrinsic value remains unaltered.
Naturally that’s easy to say, but hard to do (especially given the pervasive influence of societal messaging to the contrary).
I’ll share a personal experience of how I fell straight into the Money Trap.
Following a major injury, I had to take a significant hiatus from work for recovery, during which I did not earn an income.
At times, I found myself unhelpfully comparing my current situation to that of my pre-injury self. This comparative exercise became a breeding ground for feelings of insecurity and shame. I perceived myself transitioning from a leader contributing to society with a steady paycheck to an unproductive person on employment standby, immersed in full-time recovery with mounting medical bills. The self-judgment was undeniably harsh!
Delving into the root of these thoughts, I uncovered a key aspect that, if altered, could transform my perspective. That aspect was Money. I realized that had I continued to receive an income throughout my recovery period, my feelings of failure would have dissipated, replaced by a sense of pride in my courage and determination to heal.
From a behavioural science standpoint, this realisation struck me as Very Intriguing.
Upon reflection, it became apparent that I had unwittingly fallen into the Money Trap, equating my self-worth with my income. The lower I perceived my worth, the lower my mood became, and the harder it was to navigate through my transition period.
I know that many people have experienced similar feelings (at least subconsciously).
While every person’s journey through major life transitions is unique, the Money Trap remains a universal challenge. Let's delve into three steps that can serve as a guide in avoiding the pitfalls of this Money Trap.
3 Antidotes to the Worthiness Money Trap
1. Reclamation
We must internalise the message that we are equally worthy irregardless of our financial position; whether we are earning an income or not; and whether we are earning a high income or not. Peter Koenig, author of "30 Lies About Money," offers a poignant antidote to intertwining worthiness and income. He would recommend declaring: "I am worthy, with or without an income.” Saying it aloud can act as a powerful reclamation allowing us to confront and reshape the narratives that entwine our self-worth with financial success.
2. Awareness
Greater awareness of our biases can enable intentional recalibration of our thoughts.
Notice the judgments you make about people and their money. What comes to mind when you think of friends or colleagues who are earning a lot of money, versus those who do not? What feelings, thoughts or sensations arise? It might be helpful to note down your reflections in a journal.
By the way - this exercise is adaptable to any societal metric of success – e.g. career, relationships, health, beauty etc.
3. Thought experiment
Consider the following question: If income wasn’t a factor – what would you be doing?
It might seem like an irrelevant or naïve question: because, at least for most of us, income is an unavoidable factor. The purpose of the question is to gain greater awareness of the degree to which money shapes our decision-making, and to therefore enable making more conscious choices.
A New Balance
Career and identity transitions often involve enduring a period of time in a financially precarious position: leaving behind the stability and safety of a comfortable, familiar environment to explore the uncertainty of the unknown. Whether we end up taking a sabbatical, working part-time, or launching a new business from scratch, income is likely affected when we explore the unknown in the journey of change.
Our relationship with money can easily become a vehicle for disempowerment: obscuring decision-making processes, and causing entrapment in an unfulfilling role or situation. By disentangling our personal worth from our income, we cast aside the burden of societal conditioning, and become liberated to move towards our own personal fulfillment.
Additional Perspectives: How Much is a Life Worth? (according to experts)
For another perspective, I recommend listening to this Freakonomics Podcast episode called "Who decides how much a life is worth?" It’s about how compensation money was assigned to those killed during 9/11, and offers a practical perspective on how we financially assess people’s worth. The process of assigning a monetary value to a person’s life based on their earnings made me deeply uneasy and raised uncomfortable questions about our societal values and ethics.
What do you think?